new fucking xanga. for summer.

AND because. i've had this one since...like..january? and i'm the same weight now that i was then.

and on my new one...my weight will only go down every single fucking time i update with cw. so there.

AND I DON'T CARE IF YOU TELL ME I GET NEW XANGAS TOO MUCH. I LIKE IT THAT WAY.

emotionally distressed. time for a new beginning.

i'll update this one later with my new name and shit. so that anyone who cares and actually reads this one can go read the new one.

[edits are in pink]

starting a fast, since it's midnight.

at least 24 hours. after that, i'll just add on like...6 hours at a time? idkkk.

going to the gym tomorrow. with some boyyyyyy C:

kay. bedtime.

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8:00 a.m: grrrr. just woke up for church. so tired! whatever, i'll be okay in a few minutes. goal for today is 5 cups of green tea. oh yeah, and no eating...lol

guess i better go get ready. updates later loves! <3

11:27 a.m: okay sooo. i've had 1 cup of green tea out of 5 so far, i'm about to go to the gym.

had a hard time resisting cupcakes/brownies/other pastries at church today..but i knew it would be worth it to skip them =]

not much to say; kinda have to pee!! hahaha

1:51 p.m: just got back from the gym; still fasting. whatevs. went to the gym with this guy, he's sucha cutie..haha i don't think he likes me like that though, what a shame. lol

about to do some cleaning, then LAY OUTTTTT. and possibly jump in the pool if i get too hot! so yeah, more excercise tehehe.

4:10 p.m: okay people, let's be realistic for a second.

fasting is great if it works for you. i read about girls who can lose a pound a day fasting. that's awesome! do it if it works for you.

me on the other hand, i'm lucky if i lose 4 ounces during a fast. yeah...not really rewarding.

sooo i guess what i'm saying is i broke my fast. BUT it was intentional. and i don't feel guilty for eating a salad, a few bites of yogurt, and a spoonful of applesauce, especially since that's all i'll be eating today.

i always lose MUCH more weight when i eat a little bit every day. so i'm gonna stick with what works for me, and stop trying to fast. because i only set myself up to fail.

the only thing i do like about is that i feel SO much thinner when i'm completely empty! it's a great feeling. but it always tempts me to weigh myself and 'see how much i've lost' and half the time i lose like like 2 ounces, and the other half i GAIN from all the liquids i consume! sooo....fasting = not rewarding/efficient for katie. hahaha

just gonna stick with fruits and veggies for the next week and few days, and i figure i can probably keep that up while i'm in greece. later lovies!

gooooood morning! wow i woke up in sucha good mood.

weighed myself...but i'm keeping it a secret from youuuu tehehehe (man i sound like a fruitcake right now xD)

feeeeeling: hungry, empty, thinner than yesterday, determined not to screw up, HAPPY!

i can't remember the last time i woke up just thinking..today's gonna be good.

and it is! i'm losing weight again, the *official* weigh in comes on tuesday, y'all will just have to be patient hehehe

and then, tuesday will start my hardcore 'toning-up-and-last-minute-trimming-down' process for greece. meaning i will really crack down on myself and get rid of any last minute bloat/food/water weight.

hope you all have a great morning (seeing as how there's a half hour left of it....) updates can be expected! =] <3

&edit; [2:18 p.m.]

intake as of 2:00 p.m.:

sf jello {10}
salad w/salad spritzers {30}
green tea {0}

so much for not eating before the party..haha. oh well, nothing can bring me down today, not even 40 extra calories!

besides, i have no doubt that i'll stay in control at the party today; i'm planning on eating fruits and veggies mainly, limited meat, no carbs, and no dessert...and i know i can stick with that.

kay, gotta go do some more cleaning, take a shower and get ready to go. i may or may not update before we leave, but definatly when i get home! <33

&edit; [4:32 p.m.]

gosh darn it. i'm in sucha good mood!

so i figure i probably burned off those 40 calories just showering and doing my hair and stuff..right?

good, because now a) i don't have to feel SO guilty about eating at the party [i know i'll feel at least a little twinge; i always do no matter what i eat] b) my metabolism is in good shape today, so whatever i eat at the party will be burned off more efficiently and c) i have less of a chance of overreating there, since i'm not as ravenously hungry.

i'm telling you, my house could burn down right now and i'd find something to be positive about. i don't know what happened! the weather is crappy, so it's not that, maybe it's just that i only have 3 more hours of school left and i'm done! whatever it is, i hope it lasts =]

no urges to eat anything bad so far today, maybe it's the mood. lalala woohoo for happy! C:

feel like...

death.

my ears are ringing, my nose is stuff AND running at the same time, my throat hurts more than it ever has, and i just want to go to bed.

but, i made plans for today (it's a 1/2 day) a long time ago, and i hate breaking plans, just because i feel like the other person will always get pissed about it. and i do anything i can to avoid people getting pissed at me.

so i'm just gonna have to suck it up, and hang out with my friend c, we'll most likely get smoked up, maybe that will make me feel better. and i know i can avoid eating.

2 finals today; then only one more 1/2 day. and i'll be a juniorrrrrrrr. that's crazy.

kay. gotta go try and make myself look...presentable

&edit; [5:03 p.m.]

i don't want to talk about food/weight/calories/numbers for once.

took two finals today. two left and i'm DONE.

so tired but i'm gonna be up all night; i can tell.

STILL working on getting rid of fucking everything in my room because 'this room is gonna look like a hotel room. a bed, and a bureau. end of story' direct quote from my mom about my room. all i have to say to that is fuck you.

graduation party tomorrow. woo and hoo.

i'll update later.

last *full* day of school, i think it will be easier for me to avoid eating when i've got one less thing to stress about.

woke up this morning with a tummy full of regrets. feel as fat as ever.

decided i am gonna eat today, no reason to sacrifice my metabolism if i want to lose some weight quickly.

not much to say at the moment, gonna have some strawberries for breakfast, i'll update with intake later on.

&edit; [2:39 p.m.]

not sure how i feel about my intake...

strawberries, green grapes and baby carrots (which i normally don't count since it's fruit and veggies.) that part i'm okay with..then..

<1 serving of animal crackers, WAY less than one serving little pretzel twists (you know, the little heart shaped ones?), a bag of cheddar cheese quakes (90 cals), part of a yogurt (guessing around 90 as well) and sf jello x2 (20 cals).

so...if i don't count the fruits/veg...my total is somewhere around 300...otherwise, i'd say...400 something? EW! wtffff

and i'm getting sick. so my mom's all pyscho nazi about me going to the gym. she won't even let me take a walk around our neighborhood! WTF. ajlsdkjsdf

needless to say i won't be eating anything else today. and doing lots and lots of toning/strength excercises at home, and like 2872948729847 jumping jacks. so stupid.

&edit; [4:40 p.m.]

new plan. starting a fast at 5 p.m., in 20 minutes. it's going to last at least 40 hours, because i don't know for sure what time the grad party is on saturday.

thennn. at the party: they'll probably have a fruit//veggie tray (most people do..right?) so i'll eat some of that. NO DESSERT, NO EXCESS CALORIES, NO EXCPETIONS.

AND THEN. i have exactly ten days before greece. and for ten days, i'll be doing ONLY FRUITS AND VEGGIES! i'm also gonna force myself to eat every two - three hours. i find that when i feel like i'm making myself eat, i don't want to, and it prevents a binge. so yeah. don't get any ideas that i'm eating complete meals every couple hours; just a few grapes, or a couple strawberries, 4 baby carrots, 1/4 of a banana, stuff like that. this way it'll boost my metabolism, keep me from getting annoyingly hungry, and i'll only be eating healthy stuff.

AND. work out everysingleoneofthosetenfuckingdays damn it.

oh yeah; no more goals with deadlines. i get too focused on the numbers. because when i was 105 in january, i still looked fat. i was just dehydrated and empty. this time around i want to look toned and smaller. soooo. not weighing til tuesday of next week, and after that, not worrying so much about losing a certain amount everyday. i just want to be a lot smaller by the end of the summer, thats all.